


Kisses for Cookies

by nerdfightingwhovian



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Awesome Talia Hale, BAMF Talia Hale, Boys Kissing, Cookies, Crack, Derek Hale and Stiles Stilinski are Young, Derek and Stiles are the Same Age, Do not cross Talia Hale, Ficlet, Fluff, Humor, Kissing, Kissing Booths, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Popular Derek Hale, Selling Cookies, She WILL claw off your face, Stiles knows too much about duck sex, Stiles really wants to win, Talia Hale is a badass, Talkative Stiles, The Stilinskis are devious together, They are all trying to sell cookies, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-19
Updated: 2015-06-19
Packaged: 2018-04-05 03:14:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4163538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdfightingwhovian/pseuds/nerdfightingwhovian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based off an AU from <a href="http://hurrayitsmk.tumblr.com/post/121877082412/aus"> this list. </a></p><p>The prompt is: who can sell the most cookies contest au</p><p>Beacon Hills High School's Annual Cookie Sale is a big deal to the residents of Beacon Hills--whether or not they are in high school and stand to benefit from the first place prize.</p><p>Stiles is dead set on winning this year. But that might be hard, especially considering his rival and the winner from last year, Derek Hale, is standing shirtless behind a table giving one kiss for every box of cookies you buy.</p><p>This should be fun. Not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kisses for Cookies

**Author's Note:**

> Totally unbeta'd and written in like an hour and a half while I'm still sort of sick. This is for you, [ hurrayitsmk. ](http://hurrayitsmk.tumblr.com/)

Stiles stretches his neck back and forth, then round in a circle, feeling the bones shift and crack as he goes. He extends his arms in front of his body and cracks his knuckles. He jumps up and down, shakes out his limbs. He is ready. He can do this. He’s pumped up and he knows for sure he has his father’s support on this. 

 

He looks at the cookie order form and the new box of pens laying on his passenger seat. This is his last year and he is determined. He is sick and tired of Jackson Whittemore and Derek Hale getting the highest cookie sales. He parks his jeep in the station’s parking lot and grabs the order form from the seat. The popular but hot douchebags won’t know what hit them this year.

 

The first deputy he sees refuses to buy cookies from him, “Can’t Stiles. That would be betraying my own blood.”

 

Stiles groans, “But Tara, you don’t even have any children.”

 

“Yeah, but my niece is in high school now and she’s bringing home that ridiculous order form too.”

 

Stiles leans in and whispers, “Y’know I heard the sheriff was giving his own kind of reward.”

 

Tara’s eyebrows shoot up, “Isn’t that a little manipulative?”

 

Stiles shakes his head and throws an arm over Tara’s shoulder, leading her into the back where the sheriff is preparing to make an announcement, “I like to think of it as resourceful.”

 

“Okay,” the Sheriff says, hands resting on his belt, staring at the deputies gathered before him, “this year, the deputy who orders the most cookies from Stiles gets first pick at weekends off and holidays off.”

 

There is a gasp and like one large organism the deputies turn to look at Stiles. Their eyes are hungry for cookies and days off. Stiles’ smile widens, the hot douchebags don’t stand a chance. This year, both the Fourth of July and Christmas fall on the weekend. 

 

The thing is, the school-wide cookie sale is a time of chaos for Beacon Hills. Every year the person who sells the most boxes of cookies gets a year supply of school lunches _and_ a “front of the line pass.” The front of the line pass is legendary, it allows the wielder to skip the entire lunch line and go straight to the front. No matter what. 

 

Freshman year Jackson Whittemore had swept the competition, selling a record high amount of cookies. Every day, he had waltzed past Stiles, waving that stupid green laminated card. He would wait until Stiles was the next person in line, then swoop and take the very last yellow curry meal from the best lunch cart. Sophomore year it had been Lydia Martin, her marketing strategy had been perfect. Last year it had been Derek Hale, hottie extraordinaire. To this day no one knows how Derek beat out both Jackson and Lydia. Stiles had a theory that he stood at people’s doors and glared until they bought out the entire stock of cookies. 

 

The cookie sale, however, was larger than just the high school. Because Beacon Hills was a fairly small town, everyone knew who won the competition. And every year at back to school night and parent teacher night, parents could talk. And talk they did. To hear the sheriff tell stories of the kind of talk that went on among parents about the cookie sale would be to watch a man shudder. 

 

“Talia Hale,” he had said once, “knows how to trash talk better than any other person I’ve ever seen.” He shuddered, “I thought she was going to claw Mr. Whittemore’s face off.”

 

So, yeah. The Beacon Hills High School’s yearly cookie sale is a Thing. A Thing Stiles was totally going to win this year. On his way back to his house, he smiles at his order form. Or, rather, the seven order forms he had to staple together because of all the cookie orders. He drums his fingers against the steering wheel and hums to himself. He is _so_ going to get that first place this year. 

 

Or at least he _was_ until he saw the massive line of people stretching all the way down Main Street. 

 

“What the fuck?” He says, cursing then pulling over. 

 

He trips out of his jeep and walks toward the end of the line. And there, at the end standing behind a table is Derek Fucking Hale. A shirtless Derek Hale. A shirtless Derek Hale with stubble and abs and muscles. And on the table was taped a large sign that said, “Kisses for Cookies” in cute bubble letters with painted on lips. 

 

“What.”

 

Behind the table Derek flushes, “Oh, hi Stiles.”

 

“What.”

 

Derek scratches at his neck while his ears turn even more pink. “I said hi.”

 

“No.” Stiles says gesturing to everything around him. “What.”

 

“Oh, uh, I’m selling cookies.” Derek crosses his arms and _damn_ if that motion didn’t make his biceps and wonderful muscles stand out. “For every box you order, you get a kiss.”

 

Stiles’ jaw drops. 

 

Behind Stiles, a girl pushes forward, “I’d like fifteen boxes please.”

 

Derek smiles easily, “Sure.” Then he leaned forward and proceeded to kiss her. Fifteen times. They were just light pecks on the cheek, forehead, and finally lips but still. Fifteen kisses. For fifteen boxes of cookies. When each box of cookies was three bucks. That girl had just spent 45$ on cookies to get kissed by Derek Hale. 

 

“Where is the justice in this cruel world?” Stiles looks up and yells to the sky. 

 

Derek’s brows furrow, “Um, Stiles are—”

 

Stiles throws his hands up into the air before storming back to his jeep. Once his father gets home that night Stiles pulls him into the kitchen and settles him in a chair. 

 

“Okay, Daddy-O we need a new battle strategy.”

 

John Stilinski sighs and rubs at his forehead, “What happened?”

 

“Derek Hale’s hot bod is what happened, Dad!” Stiles pulls at the longer hair on the top of his head.

 

John crosses his arms and settles back in the chair, “And what does that mean, exactly Stiles.”

 

“Derek Hale is selling himself to sell cookies.”

 

“He’s _what_?” The Sheriff leans forward and props his elbows on the table. 

 

Stiles copies his father’s pose and tells him what he saw. At the end of the story the Sheriff is dumbfounded. “Son of a bitch. Fucking Hales.”

 

Stiles jumps out of his chair, “I know! I’ve checked the cookie sale handbook and there’s nothing about it that’s against the rules. Sure it’s pushing some of them, but it’s the Hales. They probably have loopholes and evidence and arguments. We need a new offensive strategy. Like pronto. Stat. ASAP.”

 

“Y’know Stiles. I’ve been thinking.” The elder Stilinski points at his son, “You’ve been cultivating a special talent for your eighteen years and I think it’s time to unleash it upon the world.”

 

“You mean…”

 

“Yes, Stiles. You should sell cookies by talking at people.”

 

So that is what Stiles does. He appears next to people when they least expect it and he talks and talks and talks about random subjects until they give in. One woman buys six boxes of cookies just so that he’ll stop talking about male circumcision and foreskin. A couple on a date in a fancy restaurant each buy eight boxes if he’ll stop talking about snail procreation. Finstock buys ten boxes after Stiles slides up next to him and says, “So like, I’ve masturbated 4 times today.”  

 

At the end of the week, the day before everyone turns in the order forms, he gets one of the Hales to crack and buy some cookies from him. “Hey, Laura.” He keeps pace with her steps.

 

“Stilinski.”

 

“Have I ever told you about the fascinating details of snail sex.”

 

“No, I don’t think you have.”

 

So Stiles tells her all about snail sex and she still doesn’t crack. When he finishes talking about snail sex she just looks at him and says, “Is that all you’ve got, Stilinski?”

 

So Stiles opens his next one with, “Well duck sex is super violent.” She makes it through talk about the male duck’s corkscrew penis and that it takes a third of a second for the male duck to be erect enough to stab into the female. She loses it when he says “the labyrinthine vagina of the female.”

 

“Okay, okay, okay, I’ll buy six boxes from you. Just stop talking about duck sex like it’s the coolest thing ever.”

 

Stiles doesn’t even pretend not to do a victory dance as she walks away. Stiles is so going to win this cookie sale. Suck on that Derek “Kisses for Cookies” Hale. 

 

Or at least he was until he saw Derek standing behind his stupid little table without a stupid shirt with that stupid stubble and those stupid muscles and those stupid eyes. And the next thing Stiles knows is he’s walking up to the table and Derek is smiling at him.

 

“Had enough torturing the good citizens of Beacon Hills with the intimate mating rituals of the animal kingdom?” Derek smirks and dammit Stiles really wants kisses.

 

“Sex education is important for all species, Derek.” Stiles feels his face heat and curses his pale skin for being so obvious. 

 

Derek chuckles and crosses his arms, “Is there something you wanted, Stilinski?”

 

Stiles gulps and leans forward, marking on Derek’s order form, “I’d like five boxes of cookies, _Hale._ ” 

 

Derek raises an eyebrow at Stiles’ use of his last name. “You sure about that, Stilinski?” Derek’s tongue flicks out to wet his lips. 

 

Stiles copies the motion and watches at Derek’s eyes trace the motion, “Positive.”

 

Derek smiles and his ears turn pink. He leans in and the first kiss is a light brush of the lips. “One.” Derek whispers. 

 

Stiles smiles and pushes their lips together making full contact. “Two.” Stiles whispers as Derek starts the third kiss.

 

The third kiss has Derek nipping at Stiles’ bottom lip and his tongue rubbing against the spots he has nipped. “Three.” Derek says as their lips tangle in kiss four.

 

Kiss four brings together their tongues tentatively playing a game of tag. Their hands are firmly planted on the table. Stiles pulls back slightly and pants out a “four.”

 

Kiss five has Derek clutching at Stiles’ hair and Stiles copying the motion. They are meeting over the top of the table. The fifth kiss leaves them both flushed and breathing hard. Stiles’ knees are wobbly as he leans back from the last kiss and says hoarsely, “five.” 

 

When the results of the cookie sale are released a week later, Stiles is sitting next to Derek holding his hand. Right before the winner is announced, Derek leans over and presses a kiss to Stiles’ lips, “It doesn’t matter who won, right?”

 

Stiles nods and presses a kiss back to Derek’s smile.

 

Derek wins the cookie sale by five boxes of cookies and Stiles can’t bring himself to care.

 

(Although, he does feel vindicated when the first thing Derek does with his newly minted “front of the line pass” is buy the last yellow curry right before Jackson can get to it, then hands it off to Stiles with a “Here ya go, babe.”And Stiles absolutely does _not_ kiss the hell out of Derek right there just because Derek is awesome and totally understands Stiles’ love for yellow curry. Stiles also does it because his boyfriend is fine as hell and he kind of needs everyone to know that he totally landed that hot piece of ass.)


End file.
